A Pointless Existence
by frostygossamer
Summary: Arthur had lost little Arthur. His destiny was shattered. hurt!Arthur. Merthur. Oneshot. COMPLETE
1. A Cruel Truncation

Summary: Arthur had lost little Arthur. His destiny was shattered.

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A Pointless Existence (Part 1: A Cruel Truncation) by frostygossamer

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They brought Arthur home on a hurdle, unconscious and covered in blood.

The Chimera had been terrorising Camelot for three days and nights.

Finally Arthur had girded on his armour and bravely sallied forth to tackle the deadly female foe, part lioness, part goat, part serpent, alone.

The Chimera was dead, felled by Arthur's sword, but Arthur was wounded, it seemed, almost unto death.

Arthur was borne into his private chambers and laid out on his bed, where his faithful servant removed his armour, his boots and his ripped and ragged outer clothing, while the Court Physician examined his wounds and did what little he could for his patient.

X

Uther paced the corridor outside his son's room, angry and impatient. Lady Morgana, meanwhile, sat composed, keeping her own counsel and suppressing a smirk.

At length the door opened and Gaius emerged looking grave. He closed the door softly behind him.

"I have examined the prince, very thoroughly, sire", he told Uther. "And you will be glad to know that, contrary to appearances, his wounds are none of them likely to prove fatal. All but one I am confident will heal without permanent complication. And that one serious wound, well...".

Gaius shuffled and sought about for the right words.

"Out with it, man!", roared Uther, irritated by his dithering. "Is my son and heir going to recover or not, for the love of heaven?"

"Oh indeed!", Gaius replied, perking up. "Arthur will recover. I'm sure of that. But..."

"But what?", Uther snapped, getting exasperated.

Gaius glanced at Lady Morgana, then leant close to King Uther's ear and whispered a few words.

"What?", Uther yelled. "By all the Gods, No!"

He struggled to regain his composure, "Can nothing be done to repair this... this calamity?"

"Regretfully no, sire", Gaius replied. "Not even with the most advanced of modern-day medicine, I'm afraid."

"Bah!", Uther cried, and stormed away, growling to himself as he went.

Morgana stood up and looked at Gaius questioningly. Gaius only shook his head, so she scuttled off down the corridor after the king.

Gaius went back into Arthur's room. Merlin had Arthur under the bedcovers now and was gently mopping his brow with a damp cloth. Arthur was still out cold.

"It's a terrible shame", Gaius said sadly. "He had his whole life ahead of him."

"But he's going to be alright, isn't he?", Merlin asked, his eyes full of concern.

"Of course he is", Gaius replied, patting Merlin on the shoulder. "But he's going to need your support and understanding, Merlin. It isn't going to be easy for him".

X

"What is wrong with Arthur?", Morgana wondered. "What could it be that isn't fit for me to hear?"

Uther had stomped off to his chamber and was sitting at his table with his head in his hands as Morgana approached unnoticed. He was mumbling to himself incensed, so she paused at the door and listened for a moment, trying to catch his words.

"I can't believe my bad luck", he muttered. "Such dreadful ill fortune for Camelot. My son is alive but ruined. Will Arthur be fit to succeed me as king in this sorry condition? Hardly! Perhaps I should make Morgana my heir in his place? Woman or eunuch? Eunuch or woman? Which would be the best of a bad lot?"

Morgana was so shocked by what she overheard that she had to put her hand over her mouth to stifle a squeak. She smirked wickedly. So Arthur might be out of the running for future ruler of Camelot. Wonderful! If Uther made her Crown Princess in his place, she would get her heart's desire without bloodshed. What marvellous news! Poor useless Arthur! Ha Ha Ha!

She picked up her long velvet skirts and tripped off giggling.

X

Arthur slept until the following day and dutiful Merlin slept on a chair by his bedside, anxious to be there when he awoke.

As the first beams of daylight crept into the chamber, Arthur stirred. His body was sore and aching and he winced as he shifted under the covers. Merlin, who was half draped over the side of the bed, woke at his movement and smiled sleepily. Then he remembered his reason for being there and sat up, shaking his head awake.

"Arthur?", he asked quietly.

"Merlin?", Arthur mumbled back. "Where am I? Am I alive?"

"Yes, of course you're alive, Arthur. Alive and well", Merlin assured him. "Just a few knocks. Nothing too bad. Nothing too serious", he lied.

Arthur tried to sit up and promptly lay down again. The pain in his nether region was too much.

"Lie still", Merlin hissed, trying to sound soothing. "It's just the stitches. It's already healing."

"What's already healing?", Arthur demanded, suddenly worried. He grabbed the blankets and lifted them to look beneath. The uncharacteristically animal scream that followed was heard throughout the castle. Deer in the Forest of Camelot stopped their munching and turned to each other big-eyed with fear.

"This can't be true", he gasped, now feeling almost faint.

"It's not so bad", Merlin lied. "You're well. You'll heal. It's only a minor deficiency."

"Minor?", Arthur snapped. "I've been unmanned, Merlin. I might as well be dead!"

"Don't talk like that, Arthur", Merlin said calmly, squeezing his hand. "No one knows. Well only me, Gaius and your father. We can just pretend that nothing is wrong. You'll see. It'll be fine."

Arthur closed his eyes, willing this to be a dream.

"Get some sleep. You need your strength", Merlin commanded, tucking the blankets up around Arthur's neck.

"I'll go and get you some soup", and he patted Arthur's chest. "I'll put some apple brandy in it. That'll make you feel better."

Arthur whimpered unhappily.

X

A couple of weeks later Morgana was in her chamber, singing as she chose an outfit for her crowning ceremony. Not that Uther had discussed anything with her yet, but he was sure to choose her over a, well, curtailed Arthur, wasn't he?

Arthur appeared in the doorway and leant against the doorpost watching her for a while.

"Already planning to step into my shoes?", he asked sarcastically.

"Well I wasn't planning to try on your shoes but, in the circumstances, maybe you might fancy trying on some of mine", she said bitchily.

Arthur winced. "You'll never be Queen of Camelot while I'm still around, Morgana", he declared.

"Well", Morgana replied, flouncing out of the room, right past him. "One of us was born to be a queen. One of us just came to it lately."

X

"You can't do this, father", Arthur yelled, standing before his father in the otherwise empty council chamber. "You can't demote me and promote Morgana over my head. You can't make her the heir to Camelot. I've worked too hard for this. I've risked my life too many times. I've sacrificed, sacrificed so much. It isn't just."

"I have to do what's best for Camelot, Arthur", Uther replied firmly. "I have no choice. Camelot needs a strong ruler, a powerful leader. And you're not... whole. The rumours will soon be all over the castle. My boy, you're not fit to be king."

Arthur cursed loudly. His father frowned.

"I have to think of the future", Uther continued. "Morgana will be able to make a dynastic marriage, to cement an alliance, and provide a rightful heir. Arthur, you cannot give Camelot either of these things."

"I won't just stand by and see this happen", Arthur declared angrily.

"You have no choice", was Uther's bitter reply. "Camelot needs a King Arthur, not a Queen Martha."

Deeply wounded by that unbelievably cruel remark, Arthur fled the room, fuming.

X

Feeling so dejected that a lesser man would have wept, Arthur sought out Guinevere for comfort. He found her in her little home, busy sewing, when he knocked on her door. Guinevere rose immediately and let him in.

"Oh, Arthur. Hello", she said sweetly, standing back to let him enter. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm well", he replied. "That is well but not happy. My father means to disinherit me and I don't know what to do. The worst of it is, I can understand how he feels."

"Poor boy", Guinevere whispered, taking his hand. "It's such a rotten shame. I was so sorry when Merlin told me. I was just saying to Lancelot..."

"Lancelot isn't supposed to know", Arthur interrupted. "None of the knights are. And Merlin wasn't supposed to tell you, or anyone else. How am I supposed to have any authority around here if everybody knows. Damn!"

"Merlin knew I would want to know, and Lancelot won't tell anyone", she assured him. "I just told him because he kept insisting that I had to make up my mind about my feelings. About how I feel about him and about you. He was jealous. I told him he didn't need to be, anymore."

"So you've chosen him over me? In my hour of need?", Arthur asked, disappointed.

"I'm sorry, Arthur", she explained. "But you can never be a husband or a father now, my love."

And she shed a little tear.

X

When Merlin walked into Arthur's chamber a few minutes later, carrying Arthur's lunch, he was wearing a cheery smile. He always took pains to assume one when he went to see Arthur, just so he wouldn't see that he was worried about him.

Two feet into the room he dropped his tray and ran to Arthur's side. Arthur was sitting in his armchair with his chest bared and the point of his dagger pressed against his heart.

"Don't try to stop me, Merlin", Arthur cried. "I'll be better off dead than going on living like this. A gelding. Something less than a real man. Something not fit to be a husband, a father or a king."

Merlin's eyes flashed and the dagger span out of Arthur's hand.

"Don't ever try that again", Merlin gasped. "You're a prince, Arthur, and you're destined to be king. Just have faith. Everything is going to turn out fine."

"It's hopeless, Merlin", Arthur sobbed.

Merlin placed a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"Nothing is ever hopeless", Merlin insisted. "I have contacts. I will find a solution. I promise you, Arthur, that I will do everything in my power to save this situation. I'm not giving up on you, my prince. I have total faith in you. You will be king some day, I know it. Don't give up. Camelot needs you. I need you."

Arthur smiled sadly and placed a hand on Merlin's. "You are my strength, Merlin. Without you my existence would be completely pointless", he said.

X

Merlin hurried along to his room to gather some things for a little journey. Gaius was in his workroom and looked up as he entered.

"Where are you going in such a rush, Merlin my boy?", he asked.

"I have a quest", Merlin replied. "I have to go and find something to cure Arthur of his terrible misfortune before he loses all hope. His spirits are very low."

"There is no cure for a lost... limb, Merlin", Gaius said sensibly.

"There is no cure without magic", Merlin declared. "So I mean to seek out the magic that will restore Arthur to his former virile state."

"And where do you expect to find that?", Gaius asked.

"I have no idea", Merlin admitted. "But I shall ask the Great Dragon. He, if anybody, should know, if there is anything to know."

"It may be a dangerous quest", Gaius warned.

"Danger is nothing", Merlin insisted bravely. "Arthur and I are two sides of one coin. If Arthur cannot fulfil his destiny then neither can I. I must save him, or die in the attempt. He is everything to me."

"Look after him till I return, Gaius", he told his mentor and left.

TBC

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A/N: Part 2 contains a little magic and some love from the one who values Arthur most. Please read on.


	2. A Magic Solution

Summary: Arthur learned to live without little Arthur. His destiny was Merlin's problem.

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A Pointless Existence (Part 2: A Magic Solution) by frostygossamer

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Merlin called the Great Dragon and, with a swoosh, he was there right before him.

"What do you want, young sorcerer?", he asked.

"I need to find a way to save Prince Arthur from being disinherited, and ensure that he will fulfil his destiny", Merlin explained.

"Ah, I heard about his little... difficulty", the dragon said, chuckling. "And I think I know someone who could help you. Her name is Ninianne and she lives in a hut on the edge of the terrifying Forest of Trees. It lies three perilous and arduous days ride from Camelot, but I can carry you there in an hour."

"Thank you so much, Dragon", Merlin replied. "I'm very grateful. I don't think I would have been happy to leave Arthur alone for three days in his current state of mind."

So the Great Dragon flew, with Merlin on his back, over the lands of Camelot towards the Great Forest of Trees and deposited him at the door of the little hut of the witch Ninianne.

X

Merlin knocked on the door and, at length, it was opened by a very old wrinkled woman with a glint in her eye.

"I've come to ask you if you can help me with a cure for the terrible affliction that has befallen my master, Prince Arthur, the Crown Prince of Camelot", he explained.

"Oh, yes", she sniggered. "I've heard about his little problem. What a terrible waste. Such a handsome young man."

"You've heard? Even out here in the forest?", Merlin asked surprised.

"I am a witch. I have my sources", she replied smugly.

"And I do have a cure for your master's distress", she continued, taking something out of her apron pocket.

"Here it is", she said. "I made it up ready for your arrival. I dreamt that you would come today. And I'm always right."

She held up a little black velvet bag.

"Wonderful!", Merlin cried, stretching for the bag, but Ninianne snatched it back out of his reach.

"It's not for free", she cackled. "I want payment for it."

"What do you want for it?", Merlin asked cautiously.

"Just a kiss is all I ask", she replied, puckering her old withered lips.

Merlin shut his eyes and leant forward to give the old crone a peck, but he suddenly found himself swept up in a passionate embrace. The old woman was all hands. When she finally let go of him he was breathless and there was a strange tingly feeling about his lips. Oh heavens, what had she been eating? Strong onions and hot peppers?

The old witch laughed and pressed the little bag into Merlin's hand.

"Now hurry back to your prince", she told him and, before he knew it, he and the dragon were flying back to Camelot and Arthur.

X

As soon as Merlin arrived back at Camelot he dashed straight to Gaius' chambers. Gaius was preparing a sleeping draught for Arthur.

"I have it", Merlin exclaimed happily. "I've got Ninianne's cure for Arthur's sorrow. It's right here in this little black bag."

He gave the bag to Gaius who looked inside immediately. His eyes narrowed.

"But there's nothing in this bag, Merlin", he said puzzled. "Not a thing."

"That can't be!", Merlin yelped. "Oh no! I've been duped. That evil old witch Ninianne! She tricked me!"

"But Ninianne used to be such a caring person", Gaius exclaimed. "I'm really quite surprised."

Crestfallen in his disappointment, Merlin trotted off to find Arthur and check that he was still keeping his chin up.

X

Merlin found Arthur eventually. He had called his knights together on their training field so that he might address them. Every one of them, from Lancelot and Gwaine to the newest trainee knight, was present and was paying rapt attention.

"Brother knights", Arthur declared. "I have called you here to thank you all for your loyalty to me over the past years. I'm sure that you have now all heard the rumours that have been going around. And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask you all to accept my resignation as your commander. I expect my father, the king, will be appointing one of you to lead in the near future. I'd just like to say I've enjoyed working with you all and I shall miss the wonderful comradeship we have shared."

There was a buzz as the knights muttered amongst themselves, then suddenly one voice spoke up.

"Prince Arthur", he said. "I have served Camelot for many years and I have always been proud to serve King Uther. But even more than that, I have been proud to serve you. You have been an excellent commander and I have been happy to follow you into any danger, knowing you would do the same for us. I for one will be very unhappy to see you step down."

"Hurrah for Arthur!", someone shouted. "Our once and future leader!"

All the knights cheered him as one.

"You mean that you would be happy to have me continue as your commander, even now?", Arthur asked, very surprised.

"Verily!", they all shouted.

"I will accept no other", Lancelot added.

"Nor I", Gwaine agreed. "With or without, Arthur, your still our ..."

Arthur was choked. "That's one in the eye for my father", he thought.

The crowd dispersed, several men patting Arthur on the back as they went. Arthur spotted Merlin and wandered over to him.

"Any luck?", he asked, expecting nothing.

"Sorry", Merlin replied, looking sorry.

X

When Merlin entered Arthur's room that night he found him standing by the fireplace. He seemed slightly less melancholy.

"At least my men are with me, Merlin", he said. "I wish I could say the same for my father."

"He'll come around", Merlin replied encouragingly, as he laid out Arthur's night clothes on a chair. "He is your father."

"Well, you wouldn't think so", Arthur grumbled. "Not from his attitude. These past weeks have been difficult for me and he has shown me no sympathy, none whatsoever. I don't know what I would have done without your kindness, Merlin."

Merlin shrugged modestly, plumping Arthur's pillows. "You're very important to me, Arthur", he said quietly. "I would have missed you terribly if you hadn't lived. I don't know what I would have done. I would probably have run off into the woods, mad as a hare."

Arthur was touched. A tear started to well up and a tiny sob escaped from his lips as he tried to suppress it.

Merlin hurried over and drew Arthur into a hug. This time Arthur didn't protest.

They stood like this silently for a moment and Merlin pressed a little kiss on the side of Arthur's head, as Hunith used to do to comfort him.

Arthur hugged Merlin tighter. "You're the only one who really cares, Merlin", he said, his voice full of emotion. "Guinevere has abandoned me for another, but you have remained true. I don't deserve your devotion."

"Of course you do", Merlin replied. "Our fates are intertwined. There is no Merlin without Arthur."

Arthur took a breath, "Do you love me?", he asked uncertainly.

Merlin replied simply, "Of course I do."

Arthur released his hold on Merlin enough to stare searchingly into his eyes.

"I know that I'm no use for women now", he ventured hesitantly. "But if you want me, Merlin, I am willing. I badly need someone to love me."

Merlin smiled sweetly. "What can I do to make you happy, Arthur?", he asked.

"Let me show you", Arthur whispered, guiding him towards his four-poster.

Arthur let Merlin loosen the ties of his clothing, and he slipped out of them and under the covers in one movement, a little conscious of his insufficiency, anxious to quickly hide his nothing-to-hide safely between the sheets.

He beckoned to his servant. "Come on, Merlin. I'm totally harmless", he chuckled.

Merlin threw his clothes off willy-nilly and slid in beside him.

"I don't need to hide from you, do I?", Arthur observed. "You never make me feel ashamed."  
He pulled down the bedclothes and rolled up against Merlin, pressing a tender kiss to Merlin's lips, as he slipped the boy's hand between his own legs, to caress his secret place.

Arthur's private place felt like the mons veneris of a woman. Gaius had done a good job with his careful stitches and he was smooth and downy beneath. Arthur sighed haltingly as Merlin's hand fondled his sanctum sanctorum.

Arthur lay on his back, and Merlin looked down at him with eyes full of love. He smiled and relaxed into the pillows, as Merlin's arms enfolded him, and he felt the warmth of his boy's flesh against his own.

Something stirred inside him. Something different and more subtle than he had ever felt with a woman, when he was whole. He felt a terrible longing, to take Merlin and have him and make him his own, but he could not. Arthur bit his lip as a tiny sob of frustration surfaced. Merlin wiped the unborn tear from his eye and gently kissed his lips.

Arthur whispered into his darling ear. "Do you want to prove your love, Merlin? Do you want to show me the pleasure that a man can give another man, but a woman never can?"

Merlin smiled coyly. "Oh yes, my prince!", he hissed, as Arthur turned over onto his stomach.

Merlin ran his index finger lazily down Arthur's backbone and sweetly placed a kiss on the very bottom of his spine. Arthur gently shifted his body, allowing Merlin to slide on top of his eager master, pressing his little pole between them.

Arthur murmured beneath him, wriggling against Merlin's little staff causing it to grow and stiffen. Merlin kissed the nape of Arthur's neck softly, as Arthur lay relaxed under his loving attention.

Obeying Arthur's instruction, Merlin very carefully, very slowly began to slide his little poker inside his master, who squirmed slightly at the unfamiliar poking. Merlin continued more slowly, easing in oh-so-gradually. Then he pulled out partway, and in, and out, as Arthur groaned. Every time he penetrated further, until his belly was pressed up hard against Arthur's back, and he touched that target spot within Arthur that sent a glorious thrill though his body.

Arthur gasped, as his senses scintillated, and again as Merlin's aqua vitae flooded into him.

They lay still for a moment, as they enjoyed their shared fulfilment, then Arthur rolled onto his side, pulling Merlin in against him, possessive.

"If this is all I have left, then it's more than enough", Arthur whispered.

Merlin sighed contentedly in his arms. Arthur felt strange, invigorated. A manly life-force coursed through his veins once more. After so long feeling neutered and ineffectual, he felt alive.

X

As Merlin lay in the midnight moonlight, with Arthur sleeping curled against his side, he thought about Ninianne and her little trick.

"Yes, sometimes a kiss can be all the magic you need", he thought.

He ran his hand from Arthur's shoulder, down his side, over his hip and diverted to brush against his little truncation once more.

"Sweet little tiddler", he thought and, scrunching down, he pressed his lips against Arthur's pink puckering. Arthur wriggled comfortably.

"Strange", Merlin thought vaguely, feeling a faint tingle on his lips, but he soon fell asleep, cosy with his prince.

X

At noon Merlin was woken by the violent bouncing of the mattress under him. He groaned and opened his eyes to find Arthur standing beside the bed wearing a big grin, nothing else.

"I'm glad to see that our night of love has cheered you up so much", Merlin remarked.

"It's not just that", Arthur explained. "Although that was lovely. I've got something else to be pleased about". And he rocked back and forth on his heals a few times.

Merlin wriggled over to his side of the bed and looked down. Something long, pink and muscular was swinging to and fro between Arthur's legs.

"That can't be real", he exclaimed and, reaching out a hand, he grabbed the oscillating dangler and gave it a firm squeeze.

"Ouch!", Arthur yelped and chuckled happily. "Do that again, Merlin."

"It is real!", Merlin yelped. "How did that happen?"

"Magic?", Arthur suggested. "But I'm not complaining this time. I'm off to do a streak through the council chamber while the royal council is in full session. That'll show my father not to think he can sideline me!"

He turned towards the door, then hesitated for a second.

"Rematch tonight, Merlin", he grinned. "Me on top this time, obviously", and off he vanished.

"Prat", Merlin muttered, smiling indulgently, and snuggled back into Arthur's pillow. "My prat."

The End

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A/N: Little Arthur restored, as expected. Hope you enjoyed the story.


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